FINALLY

I CAN BREATHE.....

I did A LOT of thinking...found out a few things about myself and others.

For the first time in long ass time, I am calm. I am happy with my myself and were I stand. My problems had been taking care and it will go were ever it fate takes it.

I am no longer part of Orc Quest. I did quite that. Of course my previous partner can find someone else if she wants to. I would be happy if it makes it to publishing. It is a sad thing, but that's just how it has to be. As for everytning else I am able to deal with it with a clear mind and a open heart. I know when to open up and when to keep my distance.

The world looks so different when your mind is in full attention. It was really overwhelming at first, but I had to wake up some time. Nothing is going to be achieved if I stay in my dark cave and sulk.

My art is becoming better, it is getting more attention than it ever did before. I know it is because I am more happy and therefore, my art is more free. I am not doing much with the group anymore.

We are just doing our own things. It is not a bad thing. It was going to happen after everything that accured over the past 2 years.

I was able to talk to them about some of the problems. Myself and a friend of mine. What will happen? Well it is up to them.

Emough of that. It is time to move on. And no, I don't feel awkward at all after the chat with the group. I am actually quite relieved. My questions had been anwsered and now I am moving on with a project. Yes, a full blown project!!!

I will NOT reveal waht it is, what it is about, the title, specific info or anything of the sort. I will tell you this, it is almost done and I will show you all when it is completed. Since school is out, it will be done at a faster rate.

Thank you all for reading and yes, everything is fine. I am at peace and able to keep my mind at ease.

Stay tune for further updates on furture works!!!! Thanks again!!!

Take care.

Spring Life Cleansing

Yup..........for those who have been following my blog, I have not been in the best of all moods. Stress is getting to me. It is effecting my mental state and I had a lot of time to think. I found out a lot of things about poeple. Friends who are not really friends, co-workers who are just little insects, life......is just life. Found out a few things about myself as well. The things I see are not an illusion, I need to stop living in a fantasy. Stop living like a coward and spineless. I have a voice that is never heard except by a select few. One, who is always been there and helped me out when I first joined Obscura. And another, who hepled me out with a lot of shit. Finally, a true friend who is honest and is willing to listen. It took a few shitty ass poeple to show me the good side of life. Now it is time for me to breathe.
I am TIRED of the lies, I am TIRED of all the he said she said crap. I am TIRED of the insults. I am TIRED of talking to a bunch of bricks. Most of all, I am tired of waiting and working on things that will never see the light of day. I have my own works I want to do. I have projects too that i could be putting my heart and soul into. I AM TIRED OF BEING PORTRAYED AS A BAD GUY. Minnions, bitches, assholes, complainers, negative downers, I am tired of it all!!!!!!!!!!! It is getting to me and effecting my art!!!!!!!!
Even if I named off people they won't listen. They are too busy talking out of thier asses. I want to start fresh. I want to feel calm again. I met a few good people, as well as people who refuse to grow up. I don't care who this effects. You know who you are. Why in the fuck should I clarify huh???????? WHY?!?!?! It won't do any good of you listen with your mouth instead of your ears. Why should I be afraid to say this? Why? I said worse things. When it went bad with Joe and Jay.....I said the same thing....no one got it...it stil hasn't.
The people here, I met online and those who have not been with the group for a while....you don't have to worry about this. You are not to blame. The downfall of the group was going to happen anyways why fight it??? We can be friends who hang out that's fine. BUT don't call it an art group..IT IS NOT AN ART GROUP!!!!!!!!! Some of us deserves to call ourselves the art group, the rest NO!!!!! Not until you actually do work. I believe I had this discussion before. This is the last time.
Call me a bitch, call me a traitor, call me whatever the fuck you like. I AM DONE.

Typical Question

WHY IN THE WORLD OF FUCK DOES SHIT HAPPENS TO ME???? WHY????? WHY???? FUCKING WHY??????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am not going to explain because no one gives a fuck!!!!

YEARS OF MENDING

The question remains...should I bother?

SCREAM

SCREAM

Can you hear me?
You can certainly see me.
Can you hear me?
You look at me in the face.
Can you hear me?
I can see you.
Can you hear me?
I can look at you in your eyes.
Can you hear me?
I can hear you.
Can you hear me scream?
You cannot.
Can you hear me scream?
You do not desire to hear me.
Can you hear me scream?
You do not want to hear me.
Can you hear me scream?
You deny my words.
Can you hear me scream?
I want you to hear me.
Can you hear me scream?
You need to hear me.
Can you hear me scream?
You only listen when it is wriiten.
CAN YOU HEAR ME SCREAM?
You can't hear me.
CAN YOU HEAR ME SCREAM?
Before it's too late.
CAN YOU HEAR ME SCREAM?
Before it's too late.
CAN YOU HEAR ME SCREAM?
You refuse to look into my eyes.
CAN YOU HEAR ME SCREAM?
I can look into your eyes.
CAN YOU HEAR ME SCREAM?
I can see what you are.
CAN YOU HEAR ME SCREAM?
I can see what you are.
CAN YOU HEAR ME SCREAM?
I can see what you are.
CAN YOU HEAR ME SCREAM?
You are a person who refuse to listen.
You are a person who refuses to understand.
You are a person who refuses to see.
You are a person who is blind.
You are a person who is deaf to reality.
You are nothing.
When you scream.
I will not listen.

TIRED OF IT ALL

..............................looks like things are just going to repeat itself... Our so-called-president have been iresponsible, unreliable, ungreateful, and may possibly be unawar of the words coming out of his mouth. I was disapointed with him ever since the midsummersexpo in detroit. Then everything just kept on sliding down into a big, healthy pile of dog shit. I am tired of the mistakes, I am tired of Joe, I am tired of all the disrespect, and punches. I can only take so much. Now our group is going to back to the ways of Obscura. The group seems to think that everyone wants to do print. No. Apparently webcomics are just the social part of the group. No, apperently we are still having leadership and authority figures, NO. We are supposed to be a support group for local artists, NOT a business. The ones that want to be a business cn do so, but do not expect the rest to follow. I never thought I was apart of "Dark Corners" I never thought of myself being under a group name. Ever since the Obscura incident, I always thought of myself as, Monica L Vallejo. That is what I am and that is who I will be working for. The only other person I am working with is Christy on Orc Quest,. NOTHING MORE. I am not apart of basement 14, I am not apart of the panel. I am not FDark Corners. I am ME. I love the people and the artists in the group, but I am tired of the group. You may take this however you like, but some understands what I mean. Our group is not ready for building a business or monthly prints. None of us really have the money or will think of it as a good investment. I am currtenly not going to put money into something that I am not going to apart of. This doesn't mean that I am going away from the group or breaking apart from the group. This just means that I don't think of myself as Dark Corners. We are continueing making the same mistakes over and over. We do not bold well under authority, we o not work together that well on the same projects. We work very well as a support group becuase we all have individual goals. We have the wekkly goals as a way of getting used to deadlines. THAT IS ALL. So, I am going to the grand Cafe instead of Bigby's for two main reasons. ONE I do not want to do what everybody else want to do, TWO I do not want to waork under Joe. I am not trasveling accross town for a meeting about printing. I do not want to do prints. I want to do webcomics to get my story and characters out there. That way, I will know wether or not it sells. I still want to hang out with you guys and will still attend the Friday meetings. I just will not be apart of the panel. The bottom line is that we are not ready nor will many of us get it done in time. Do not take any offense to this or anything. I am just tired of hearing the same thing over and over again. And the sad part of it is that one of our memebers knows about business and have REALLY great ideas, buit no one wil listen to him. And the whole thing about hating on webcomics and manga. I am sorry, but I am a manga artist and want to do webcomics. THAT IS WHERE OUR AUDIENCE ARE. I cannot help, btu be a manga artist because that's all I would be under. Get over it please! I cannot be in a group where our own leader just attend the meeetings just to beat me around all he wants. I am tired of it. I am tired of it all. I do not know why Joe has it out for me so much. MAYBE because I have no talk ill of Jay. maybe because I am a manga artist. Maybe I am a better leader than him. Who knows because no one seems to wnat to answer that or knows why. If there is a reason, I want to know so that I can understand and possibly work it out with him. He caused a lot of dammage to the group, I am sorry to say, but it is true. And the reason why it hurts me so much because he was so happy to have me on board with comics Obscura and did not have a problem with me being a manga artist. Then he tured around and pushed me. I had a lot of respect for the group and him ,but I can't do it anymore. take this however you like, I am not dissing the you guys or disrespecting or any ither of that drama crap. It's simple, I do not want to do prints or do what the group wants. I am 22 years old, I need to work my own project and get my name out there. So, Myself, Micky, Christina, and Devon are going to continue being a supprt group at the Grand cafe, they want us there , they want us to hang artwork, and it is in an art community. My mind is made up until it is figured out. I just don't want any of you guys taking this personally or anything. I still want to work with you guys and hang out, just not as a business. We still have some work to do before we can start a business. I will see you guys Friday, if you still want me there, but I do not want to be around Joe. Later.

BIG HEADACHE

Allllllllllllllllllllllllllll riiiiiiiiiiighty then...............
The same bull is still in the mist of the so called Dark Corner Production. First we have this thing Jay and now it is with our manager/president. I don't know what his deal is, but it seems that he has na major bug up his kooter or something. I understand some of the agreesion, but what he has been doing is an absolute BULLSHIT. First he LOST our tables at the Novi con and we had to share ONE table for FOUR people!!! He sent the check to them three days before the con and they were sold out by the time he sent the money. At first he said he had tables for us already and all we have to do is pay him back...WRONG. Lukily there was an empty table so we had our two tables after all. The place was a DEAD spot and it was hotter than the fucking sun.
To make matters worst, Christy had not called them like she said she would!!! Becuase we had not recieved the money back. He already lost my respects there and then he decided to storm into the grand cafe and started bitching about why we were there and not at fleetwood. THEN he decided that it was ok to say that me and Devon were doing nothing, but playing games.........
THEN the fucker decided to say that we were just Christy's friends and thats why we decided to have the meeting at her place. NO we VOTED on it and he WAS NOT THERE. Not our fault. The day of the meeting, instead of writing down the address before he left, he decided to e-mial. Thats not the best part =3 It gets better, before he said that he does not have acess to e-mial OR a phone, but than he said to e-mial him????? I have no idea why nobody caught that???? THEN he said he has a phone now and did not call Christy about the address. Instead he left a pissy e-mial to Christy, that she got later that evening, and he was ranting on how he don;t need us or we are trying to get rid of him and blahly blahly blahhblahh pms bull shit. THEN she got worked up which got everyone else worked up. THEN she started to blame herself >< Its NO one's fault!!!!!!!!!! Joe is just having some trouble and he is taking it out on everybody else. OH!!!! If you haven't notice we are also having a location problem becuase the cafe closes too early. AND we have NOT produce ANYTHING!!! Or may I say everybody else except for a select few. Me and Devon cam eup with a plan and some rules and consequences. That we are going to talk about tonight. WE are NOT taking over the meeting or any bull crap. DON'T want to be part of that. BUT all I will say is that this is the last attempt.
I am just TIRED of it all, everybody's bitching, moaning, and bull. Right now I am listening to more bull with my stepdad and my little sister, who never seem to keep their mouths SHUT, and my older sister is bitching about her computer and how it is not connecting to the internet. She doesn't want to use my mom's because it is "too small" and she doesn't want to use mine becuase I need, but not until fucking six. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeearrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh.........*rubs temple* I think I am going to have a heart attack one of these times. GREAT now my parents are fighting. The meeting BETTER be decent tonight...OR I AM GOING TO EXPLODE.